100 personal facts about me. Feel free to share yours.

1. My name is Danielle Collette Smith.
2. I always wanted to be called Colly when I was a little kid and playing House with my friends.
3. Coworkers, my family and childhood friends call me Danielle.
4. My new friends call me Dani.
5. I tell people on the internet my name’s Elle.
6. Everyone knew me as Smithy throughout middle school. I still get that here and there.
7. I hated being called Dani when I was little—reminded me too much of my father. Then I had an 8^th grade English teacher who refused to call me anything else. She was the first person to get me motivated with my writing and make me feel like I actually had some kind of skill.
8. February 13, 2006, she passed away from cancer. Since then, I’ve never had an issue with anyone calling me it again.
9. I stole a copy of Speak from her desk the year I had her as a teacher.
10. I refused to give it back after she died.
11.  I can still see it on my desk from where I’m sitting six years later.
12. I was in Catholic school up until I graduated high school.
13. From sixth grade and on, I was in an all-girls Catholic school.
14. I wouldn’t give up the education I got for the world.
15. But it gave me more self-worth issues than I think I would have had in a public environment. I think I would have found more people just like me in a public school than I did where I was.
16. Most days, I miss the structure I had in high school.
17. I’m an only child with parents who are still married.
18. They haven’t slept in the same room since I was fifteen.
19. My dad served in the National Guard and has been all over the world, but he rarely talks about it. I’m convinced he’s got PTSD and I’ve tried to bring it up, but he tells me he doesn’t have it because he has nothing to be ashamed of.  
20. My dad and I have had a love-hate relationship since I was in early high school. His drinking and temper mixed with my stubbornness and our shared trait of always needing the last word don’t usually end well.
21. My father has never in his life laid a hand on me. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t leave permanent damage.
22. My mom once straight out said to my dad that he abuses me. Not physically, but mentally. His reply? “Mentally. Like that actually means something.”
23. I weighed 240+ lbs in high school, at 5’3”. I was a disgusting piece of shit.
24. My dad weighed 400+ lbs. He’d guilt me out of eating my food so he could eat it when I left the room.
25. When I was little, I’d much rather get spanked than when my dad made me stand in the corner until my mom came home when she left during a fight. This continued on into my early teens.
26. I was called a worthless sack of shit more times than I can count. He’s tried to apologize for it years later. It infuriates him that I won’t just forget it. But you don’t forget “worthless”.
27. I still live at home with my parents, but I make sure to have very minimal contact with them at all costs.
28. I love and respect both of my parents unconditionally. All in all, they’re my parents.
29. But I’ve grown to understand that we just can’t coexist under the same roof anymore. And that tears me up inside.
30. I know it’s not directly my fault. But I know the only time my parents fight is about the way my dad’s treating me. So I know to leave when things get heated.
31. I just wish I didn’t feel like I wasn’t allowed in my own house if my parents are home.
32. My mom and dad are 53 and 52 respectively. My mom is a heavy smoker and my dad is obese. And it kills me that we’re this broken when I don’t know how much longer they might be around.
33. My mother said in the middle of one fight that we make her want to put a bullet in her head. She says she said in a moment of anger. I will never in my entire life forget those words.
34. I found myself having to take a break from writing this because I got way too caught up in it.
35. 2009 was probably the worst year of my life.
36. I met the love of my life at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been at to date. He to this day doesn’t know just how badly off I really was when he met me. But he helped me through it all.
37. We’ve broken up twice since we’ve been together, and each time it’s been over something petty and had done nothing but bring us closer together.
38. I still talk about him like I’ve got a school girl crush and he’s there for me more than absolutely anybody and I love him with my whole everything.
39. He makes me sappy and just makes me genuinely feel so lucky to find someone that really does care about me.
40. I used to go to shows all the time back in high school. I miss it so much.
41. I’ve always depended on music for stability, but who hasn’t?
42. “Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die; it’s that moment in life where you actually feel alive. So, live for the moment.” – The Spill Canvas
43. I live by this quote which is why it’s tattooed on my back.
44. I want a Rhode Island inspired tattoo with an anchor holding a banner along the middle that says hope.
45. I also want a dark blue butterfly with the tagline from the Butterfly Effect “such minor changes, such huge consequences” in a circle around it.
46. I used to have my ears stretched to 0g.
47. My uncle bribed me with $100 to take them out.
48. I gladly obliged and never looked back.
49. I’ve got two studs in my nose and people seem to think that’s really cool.
50. I originally wanted one stud with a hoop behind it, but the hoop they used made me look like the biggest punk in the world.
51. I’ve got 20/20 vision.
52. My eyes are my favorite physical trait followed by my lips and collar bone.
53. With these hips, my kids are gonna come shooting out like a freaking cannon.
54. My biggest fear in the world is that I won’t be able to become a mother.
55. I know for a fact that if I got pregnant now, I wouldn’t be able to keep it.
56. I would never be able to give my child up for adoption and know someone was raising my flesh and blood.
57. I’m prochoice and I know the choice I would make. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hate myself for an eternity for it.
58. For that exact reason, I try to be extremely precautious and make sure I simply don’t end up in that situation.
59. I lost my virginity when I was 17. It was not beautiful and romantic and the guy later stalked me on campus a couple of times.
60. I didn’t drink for the first time until I was sixteen. A friend and I got into my parents’ booze and each had 10 shots of tequila in addition to shots of a few different things.
61. I didn’t drink again until college other than a handful of times.
62. Drinking’s not something I do often.
63. At my first college party, I was taken advantage of.
64. It’s taken almost two years for me to really come to terms with what happened that night.
65. The one thing no one knows about me is that I used to online date when I was younger.
66. I went to college and told my roommate I was in a relationship. She didn’t know I had never met this kid a day in my life.
67.  We were “together” for over a year and talked every single day. He was a really great kid.
68. He was willing to send me an engagement ring. He thought he was honestly going to marry me.
69. I’ve never told my boyfriend that and I don’t know how he’d feel about it.
70. I met a chick off neopets once. Her url is michaelaandhailey and she’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and I can’t wait for her to come home soon. <3
71. I don’t read too often, but when I do, it’s mostly Jodi Picoult.
72. I don’t think I’ll ever want to leave Rhode Island.
73. I want to be published more than anything for something I’ve written.
74. The only contest I ever submitted for, I found out was a scam. I was so discouraged from then on that I stopped trying.
75. I want to be able to leave this world knowing I’ve left a positive impact on people. That’s my definition of success.
76. I wish I could hip hop dance.
77. I’d like to think I have rhythm but this crazy gringa could just be out of her mind.
78. My music tastes are extremely diverse. I give just about everything a chance but metal.
79. Amon Amarth is pretty kickass, though. Who can say no to Viking Metal?
80. I’m discussing Viking metal while jamming out to Fall Out Boy.
81. I definitely looked up Pete Wentz’ dick pics when they leaked.
82. I wasn’t impressed.
83. I think Craig Owens is the epitome of gorgeous musicians.
84. I wish I looked like Scarlett Johansson.
85. I’m ridiculously terrified that I’m graduating college next year and I’m still working minimum wage at some office position.
86. My job leaves me going home in tears many times.
87. Every single person who works there hates their job with a fiery passion.
88. I advise everyone to avoid working in retail. Ever. Under any condition. It’s not worth it.
89. I’ve been at this place two years. If I had started at McDonald’s instead, I’d be making more money by now.
90. I make $7.40/hr (up to $7.75 since 1/1/13) and normally get about 20-25 hours.
91. I’m sick of being a broke bitch.
92. I love the looks I get when I drive up blasting some Tech N9ne in my Taurus wagon.
93. My car’s name is Henry Leo – Henry because he’s a Ford and Leo because he’s a Taurus.
94. I’ve been arrested. I was only in a holding cell for a matter of hours, but it scared me shitless enough to never want to end up there again.
95. I’m grateful that I got arrested when I did. I was only 17 when it happened, but I was told if I had been 18, I wouldn’t be able to get my psych license. I’m not willing to screw up my future like that.
96. I’ve already got named picked out for my future kids. Emily Jane and Adam Killian. They’ll both have the fight of the Irish and the stubbornness of the Polish in them just like their mama.
97. I didn’t get writer’s block until now.
98. I’ve seen more personal growth in myself in the past couple years than I thought possible.
99. I have high hopes for myself.
100. I know everything’s going to turn out alright.

So, a number of things were brought to my attention last night. 

One, the main woman who runs the Westboro Baptist Church had her social security number shut down because an anonymous website sent in a death certificate for her. Which is actually kind of really funny.

Two, WBC is apparently planning on picketing Sandy Hook Elementary. As to their exact reason why, I’m not sure, but regardless it makes my stomach just turn. So my friend mentioned being one of those volunteers who just form a human chain around the building so they can’t get in. This school’s probably only an hour or two away and knowing people as evil as the Westboro Baptist Church is going to be anywhere near there gets me absolutely enraged. The complete lack of human emotion that these people seem to have is not only appalling but it’s downright disappointing that there can actually be people this cruel and with no remorse. 

Three and on a much lighter note: This whole Time Square for NYE thing has been going back and forth everyday. And where I stand now, we actually do have a plan worked out and it really is a complete possibility. HOWEVER. Last night my friend and I had made plans to go to Applebee’s, but he changed his mind at the last minute and wanted to go to Friday’s. Just had a feeling, I guess. So, we go and it just so happens that the guy who sits down next to us at the bar was someone who lived in Manhattan for eight years and actually gave us a lot of useful information. Like the fact that you’re stuck in Time Square from 5pm on and if you leave for whatever reason, you’re not getting back. There’s no place to pee whatsoever, you’re packed in like sardines and it’s going to be cold as all fuck. So we ask the big question: but is it worth it? And honestly, he was pretty explicit in saying it really wasn’t. He said the best idea would really be to just save up for a few years and then just get a hotel with a balcony. It was like fate that we ended up there, but that forewarning has up completely up for just staying in RI and living it up downtown all night, hotel and all. All in all, it’s still gonna be a grand new year’s, I can feel it.

100 personal facts about me.

This is my attempt at letting you get to know me. Feel free to reciprocate with your own personal facts.

1. My name is Danielle Collette Smith.
2. I always wanted to be called Colly when I was a little kid and playing House with my friends.
3. Coworkers, my family and childhood friends call me Danielle.
4. My new friends call me Dani.
5. I tell people on the internet my name’s Elle.
6. Everyone knew me as Smithy throughout middle school. I still get that here and there.
7. I hated being called Dani when I was little—reminded me too much of my father. Then I had an 8^th grade English teacher who refused to call me anything else. She was the first person to get me motivated with my writing and make me feel like I actually had some kind of skill.
8. February 13, 2006, she passed away from cancer. Since then, I’ve never had an issue with anyone calling me it again.
9. I stole a copy of Speak from her desk the year I had her as a teacher.
10. I refused to give it back after she died.
11.  I can still see it on my desk from where I’m sitting six years later.
12. I was in Catholic school up until I graduated high school.
13. From sixth grade and on, I was in an all-girls Catholic school.
14. I wouldn’t give up the education I got for the world.
15. But it gave me more self-worth issues than I think I would have had in a public environment. I think I would have found more people just like me in a public school than I did where I was.
16. Most days, I miss the structure I had in high school.
17. I’m an only child with parents who are still married.
18. They haven’t slept in the same room since I was fifteen.
19. My dad served in the National Guard and has been all over the world, but he rarely talks about it. I’m convinced he’s got PTSD and I’ve tried to bring it up, but he tells me he doesn’t have it because he has nothing to be ashamed of.  
20. My dad and I have had a love-hate relationship since I was in early high school. His drinking and temper mixed with my stubbornness and our shared trait of always needing the last word don’t usually end well.
21. My father has never in his life laid a hand on me. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t leave permanent damage.
22. My mom once straight out said to my dad that he abuses me. Not physically, but mentally. His reply? “Mentally. Like that actually means something.”
23. I weighed 240+ lbs in high school, at 5’3”. I was a disgusting piece of shit.
24. My dad weighed 400+ lbs. He’d guilt me out of eating my food so he could eat it when I left the room.
25. When I was little, I’d much rather get spanked than when my dad made me stand in the corner until my mom came home when she left during a fight. This continued on into my early teens.
26. I was called a worthless sack of shit more times than I can count. He’s tried to apologize for it years later. It infuriates him that I won’t just forget it. But you don’t forget “worthless”.
27. I still live at home with my parents, but I make sure to have very minimal contact with them at all costs.
28. I love and respect both of my parents unconditionally. All in all, they’re my parents.
29. But I’ve grown to understand that we just can’t coexist under the same roof anymore. And that tears me up inside.
30. I know it’s not directly my fault. But I know the only time my parents fight is about the way my dad’s treating me. So I know to leave when things get heated.
31. I just wish I didn’t feel like I wasn’t allowed in my own house if my parents are home.
32. My mom and dad are 53 and 52 respectively. My mom is a heavy smoker and my dad is obese. And it kills me that we’re this broken when I don’t know how much longer they might be around.
33. My mother said in the middle of one fight that we make her want to put a bullet in her head. She says she said in a moment of anger. I will never in my entire life forget those words.
34. I found myself having to take a break from writing this because I got way too caught up in it.
35. 2009 was probably the worst year of my life.
36. I met the love of my life at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been at to date. He to this day doesn’t know just how badly off I really was when he met me. But he helped me through it all.
37. We’ve broken up twice since we’ve been together, and each time it’s been over something petty and had done nothing but bring us closer together.
38. I still talk about him like I’ve got a school girl crush and he’s there for me more than absolutely anybody and I love him with my whole everything.
39. He makes me sappy and just makes me genuinely feel so lucky to find someone that really does care about me.
40. I used to go to shows all the time back in high school. I miss it so much.
41. I’ve always depended on music for stability, but who hasn’t?
42. “Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die; it’s that moment in life where you actually feel alive. So, live for the moment.” – The Spill Canvas
43. I live by this quote which is why it’s tattooed on my back.
44. I want a Rhode Island inspired tattoo with an anchor holding a banner along the middle that says hope.
45. I also want a dark blue butterfly with the tagline from the Butterfly Effect “such minor changes, such huge consequences” in a circle around it.
46. I used to have my ears stretched to 0g.
47. My uncle bribed me with $100 to take them out.
48. I gladly obliged and never looked back.
49. I’ve got two studs in my nose and people seem to think that’s really cool.
50. I originally wanted one stud with a hoop behind it, but the hoop they used made me look like the biggest punk in the world.
51. I’ve got 20/20 vision.
52. My eyes are my favorite physical trait followed by my lips and collar bone.
53. With these hips, my kids are gonna come shooting out like a freaking cannon.
54. My biggest fear in the world is that I won’t be able to become a mother.
55. I know for a fact that if I got pregnant now, I wouldn’t be able to keep it.
56. I would never be able to give my child up for adoption and know someone was raising my flesh and blood.
57. I’m prochoice and I know the choice I would make. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hate myself for an eternity for it.
58. For that exact reason, I try to be extremely precautious and make sure I simply don’t end up in that situation.
59. I lost my virginity when I was 17. It was not beautiful and romantic and the guy later stalked me on campus a couple of times.
60. I didn’t drink for the first time until I was sixteen. A friend and I got into my parents’ booze and each had 10 shots of tequila in addition to shots of a few different things.
61. I didn’t drink again until college other than a handful of times.
62. Drinking’s not something I do often.
63. At my first college party, I was taken advantage of.
64. It’s taken almost two years for me to really come to terms with what happened that night.
65. The one thing no one knows about me is that I used to online date when I was younger.
66. I went to college and told my roommate I was in a relationship. She didn’t know I had never met this kid a day in my life.
67.  We were “together” for over a year and talked every single day. He was a really great kid.
68. He was willing to send me an engagement ring. He thought he was honestly going to marry me.
69. I’ve never told my boyfriend that and I don’t know how he’d feel about it.
70. I met a chick off neopets once. Her url is michaelaandhailey and she’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and I can’t wait for her to come home soon. <3
71. I don’t read too often, but when I do, it’s mostly Jodi Picoult.
72. I don’t think I’ll ever want to leave Rhode Island.
73. I want to be published more than anything for something I’ve written.
74. The only contest I ever submitted for, I found out was a scam. I was so discouraged from then on that I stopped trying.
75. I want to be able to leave this world knowing I’ve left a positive impact on people. That’s my definition of success.
76. I wish I could hip hop dance.
77. I’d like to think I have rhythm but this crazy gringa could just be out of her mind.
78. My music tastes are extremely diverse. I give just about everything a chance but metal.
79. Amon Amarth is pretty kickass, though. Who can say no to Viking Metal?
80. I’m discussing Viking metal while jamming out to Fall Out Boy.
81. I definitely looked up Pete Wentz’ dick pics when they leaked.
82. I wasn’t impressed.
83. I think Craig Owens is the epitome of gorgeous musicians.
84. I wish I looked like Scarlett Johansson.
85. I’m ridiculously terrified that I’m graduating college next year and I’m still working minimum wage at some office position.
86. My job leaves me going home in tears many times.
87. Every single person who works there hates their job with a fiery passion.
88. I advise everyone to avoid working in retail. Ever. Under any condition. It’s not worth it.
89. I’ve been at this place two years. If I had started at McDonald’s instead, I’d be making more money by now.
90. I make $7.40/hr and normally get about 20-25 hours.
91. I’m sick of being a broke bitch.
92. I love the looks I get when I drive up blasting some Tech N9ne in my Taurus wagon.
93. My car’s name is Henry Leo – Henry because he’s a Ford and Leo because he’s a Taurus.
94. I’ve been arrested. I was only in a holding cell for a matter of hours, but it scared me shitless enough to never want to end up there again.
95. I’m grateful that I got arrested when I did. I was only 17 when it happened, but I was told if I had been 18, I wouldn’t be able to get my psych license. I’m not willing to screw up my future like that.
96. I’ve already got named picked out for my future kids. Emily Jane and Adam Killian. They’ll both have the fight of the Irish and the stubbornness of the Polish in them just like their mama.
97. I didn’t get writer’s block until now.
98. I’ve seen more personal growth in myself in the past couple years than I thought possible.
99. I have high hopes for myself.
100. I know everything’s going to turn out alright.

It’s strange to think that even if we have similar things posted on our blogs, it doesn’t necessarily mean we all got the same impression from the post. Maybe some people simply found it interesting. Maybe some people had a nostalgic feel for it. Maybe it invoked some people with a feeling of angst and bitterness when they came across it. But it’s still on our blog, regardless. 

So when it comes down to it, does a blog in itself really say all that much about a person without knowing the real reason why it is that they felt that specific post was blog worthy?

(Who am I kidding, everyone just posts about cats and fictional characters.)

So, here’s how my day went. All of my pictures were due today at 6pm for my photography critique. I literally had none prepared due to people bailing on me at the last second. So, a good friend of mine agrees to help me out for a good three hours and we ultimately pull something off that’s ultimately satisfactory. So, I’m planning on just calling it an early night, knowing fully well that I have an immense amount of shit to get done tomorrow. But then my boyfriend and my good friend text me simultaneously that they’re at a local bar and tell me I should have a drink with them. I tell them I’m ridiculously broke. They tell me it’s covered.

So here I am, 8 beers later and I had the opportunity to smoke with 60+ year old biker gang looking dudes, one of them even sporting a cowboy hat and I’m feeling pretty damn fucking good.

And it really does suck that I need to be up by 6:20 tomorrow, but I’m genuinely not giving a fuck tonight and I plan on having a multiple hour long marathon of breaking bad. 

And no fucks were given this monday. 

Judge me or not, I really don’t care, but I still think the best way to wake up in the morning is to just be able to sleep in late, roll over and pack a bowl and just listen to some tunes for a few hours before you even have time to be worried about complete bullshit that life throws at you. As long as I can start my morning off in a good mindset, I can keep that perspective all day. But I swear if it weren’t for this downtime, there’d be an unhealthy amount of days where I’d just refuse to even get up. 

alternateuniversed Asked: Thank you so, so much. I'm glad that my ask could be of use in some way, lol. I've been on here anon a whole bunch of times and I always do enjoy your advice. It's never the soft "it'll be okay" kind of advice. You give advice that people need to hear and not what they want to hear.

Telling people everything’s going to be okay just sounds so insincere. There’s so much “i love you anon youre flawless bby just smile” bullshit, it’s actually more detrimental than anything. I feel like people like my advice, yes, but they like even more that I’m just someone that really wants to know what you’re going through, someone that’s going to follow up with questions and really try to get a grip on what they’re going through. Sometimes people just need someone to be interested in what they have to say, even if it’s just what happened during their day.

I always end up going on crazy rambles when I’m high and my replies always end up so much longer than originally intended. I’m pretty sure I used to tag all of my high ramblings as #rambles months ago so now I’m gonna creep on them. 

let’s get a little personal here.

for my followers who are curious to see me more as a person than just some blog you follow.

my face

100 personal facts about me

My photography

My battle and my advice for yours

Anonymous Asked: Karma definitely got him. But things are still unresolved with my friend. And I can't help but think it every time he mentions his cousin. I'm okay now. I guess I don't want him to stress over something that doesn't stress me any longer.

How exactly did karma get him?

Anonymous Asked: I was raped when I was fifteen by my best friend's cousin. I don't want to tell because he'd kill him.

As he should. Do you think his cousin should go without punishment for what he did? 

Anonymous Asked: i mean it was all texting, no calling. i'm not the calling type i guess i don't like my voice on the phone. in person we talked all the time though there was no need to be on the phone

I think if the relationship meant anything to you, you’d be willing to make that phone call over not speaking to your boyfriend for weeks at a time. Does he know you have a problem with how little he initiates conversation?

Anonymous Asked: I never got therapy for the molestations, no. But I haven't gotten therapy for any of the things I've needed it for.

Why not? 

Anonymous Asked: my bf and i won't see each other till september since we met at boarding school and it's vacation. he said he misses me a lot and i miss him SO MUCH, but i feel like he doesn't put in enough effort to talk to me. when i wait for him to text first we don't talk for weeks. and then i start the conversations and they're all good but later i have to wait for him again and he doesn't start any. i know he's really bored because he never went to school in his town and has no friends there. any advice?

The fact that you’re going weeks without any form of communication is ridiculous. Do you guys ever talk outside of texting? Texting isn’t a relationship. How far away does he live? There’s no way that you two could meet up over break? 

Anonymous Asked: lol i dont think there are pills to make your penis bigger, but thanks

There are many different products for penis enlargement—pills, patches, ointments. 

glitterpen1s:

does miley cyrus do anything these days besides walk around 

do any of us do anything besides sit on our asses in front of a computer

at least the bitch is getting more exercise than most of tumblr

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